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Now Can We Interest You in Carlos Zambrano?

66070017Obviously desperate for a hitter who doesn’t have Lyle Alzado-like testosterone levels or is seeking Albert Pujols-like dollars, the Milwaukee Brewers signed Aramis Ramirez Monday to a three-year contract.

As much as the Crew needs an offensive jolt in light of Ryan Braun’s suspension and Prince Fielder’s imminent departure, this probably wasn’t the right way to go. Ramirez turns 34 in June and has been looking more like a 54-year-old in the field in recent years. And while last season was a nice bounce-back at the plate for him, few Cubs fans can forget his two-homer April-May before he suddenly realized “holy crap, I’m gonna be a free agent soon, better start bearing down” and turned it on in the summer months, just in time to help the team … not one bit.

I, for one, will always scorn Ramirez for his disappearing act in the 2007 and ’08 playoffs: 2-for-23, zero homers, zippo RBI. Yes, NO freaking RBI from our middle-of-the-order thumper when the games counted the most. Oh, and he hit .214 against Milwaukee the last three years. In other words, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

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